ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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