dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
