I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
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I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
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The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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