After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
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so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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