I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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