So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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