I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
