Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
