Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
the day after is always just damage control
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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