i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
