paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
