I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just had sex on a roof
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
