She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
