I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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