A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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