Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
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but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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