i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize