like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
