Don't you send me to vm
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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