this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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