somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
