My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
