He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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