this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
