I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
now i know why i became what i already was.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
only you would photoshop your dick
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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