I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
