I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
