bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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