I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
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its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
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Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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