If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
