Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
