I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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