I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
