At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
