She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
