if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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