Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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