So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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