Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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