can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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