He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
