Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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