I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
