Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
