Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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