very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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