just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
