before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
