Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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