Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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