but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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