How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
only you would photoshop your dick
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
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He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
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Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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