my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
