You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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