what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Text me some of your sweat
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
