I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i need some magic done to my vagina
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
ok first of all what the fuck
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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