I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
