The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
