I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
