He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
